So I'm having just crazy thoughts today. I started my second round of maintenance chemo yesterday. I am blessed and take my chemo in pill form. My sweet oncologist thought she should increase my dose. I was fine when she told me. I haven't ever had a big problem with it before. Things have changed I force food. I'm drinking lots of water.
Last nights dinner was blah. The smells. The slimy noodles. The spices. Thanks Hello Fresh. All that matters is how the family felt about the food. They liked it. They will be eating it again tonight. I will not. I have a friend dropping dinner off. It will be my dinner and tomorrow nights food.
Last night I felt awful. Its such a timed process. I was hungry but couldn't eat. I took anti nausea pill but nope I could have hurled.
My other crazy thought... When I was younger and I wanted to cry I would watch my cry movie. Mine was Dying Young. I LOVED it. I should watch it soon. I never really knew what kind of cancer but I just looked, blood cancer. Anyone else have a sad movie?
Then I ended my morning getting my son out the door talking about his body. He is learning about it in school tomorrow. He read a chapter in a book last night. He HAD to read it last night. I asked if they talked about ejaculations and nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). He said yes to all of above with a giggle. He told me he has had a wet dream. NOPE it was a sweaty night. LOL
So if one of us dies today this was our last conversation.
I will be back later with my God moment Friday. I still have a post I'm thinking about for Caregivers. Right now I'm falling asleep while typing. I'm nuts. :)
#cancer
#braincancer
#crazythoughts
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Monday, April 8, 2019
Cancer and being a Mama
I haven't been able to blog. My head hasn't been clear. I find myself napping or desiring to nap. I'm weird with writing. It has to be the right time and space. I believe this morning is it. I'm blogging on something totally different than planned. I might get to the others later today.
Being a mom is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It was my dream, I swear, since I was born if that's possible. When my husband, Grumps and I couldn't just easily have children my heart broke. We tried like crazy. Finally our last IVF treatment with 4 embryos took. Not 4 babies but 2 amazing ones, girl and a boy. This entire process was super hard on us and our marriage.
Now being a mom, sometimes I feel like a failure. I don't remember. I don't want to. I get angry. With cancer it is even worse. I super care about my kids but meeting their needs is even harder. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who understands and friends who step in and help.
As a cancer mom... You deal with guilt, frustrations, tears, tiredness, memory, questioning what I do to make sure I remember and do them right. Thank God for phone calendars. Its my brain. I should give it a name. If I lost it my world would crash.
This post isn't making sense... stupid cancer. It sounded so good in my head this morning as I was trying to help my kids after they said they had a test this morning. I wanted to cry. Any other moms dealing with all of this? I keep saying I want a vacation alone or with a couple of friends. No responsibilities. My husband keeps sending people here to help which is nice but I feel the need to entertain. I can't help myself.
Up next... being a caregiver for a cancer patient, and God moments. Please comment so I know you are there.
Smooches friends!!!
#braincancer #cancer #momguilt
Being a mom is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It was my dream, I swear, since I was born if that's possible. When my husband, Grumps and I couldn't just easily have children my heart broke. We tried like crazy. Finally our last IVF treatment with 4 embryos took. Not 4 babies but 2 amazing ones, girl and a boy. This entire process was super hard on us and our marriage.
Now being a mom, sometimes I feel like a failure. I don't remember. I don't want to. I get angry. With cancer it is even worse. I super care about my kids but meeting their needs is even harder. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who understands and friends who step in and help.
As a cancer mom... You deal with guilt, frustrations, tears, tiredness, memory, questioning what I do to make sure I remember and do them right. Thank God for phone calendars. Its my brain. I should give it a name. If I lost it my world would crash.
This post isn't making sense... stupid cancer. It sounded so good in my head this morning as I was trying to help my kids after they said they had a test this morning. I wanted to cry. Any other moms dealing with all of this? I keep saying I want a vacation alone or with a couple of friends. No responsibilities. My husband keeps sending people here to help which is nice but I feel the need to entertain. I can't help myself.
Up next... being a caregiver for a cancer patient, and God moments. Please comment so I know you are there.
Smooches friends!!!
#braincancer #cancer #momguilt
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Jeremy Camp - Same Power (Lyric Video)
Thank you Christine Mills for this encouragement! I needed the affirmation! Love you precious!
Why?
I usually don't ask God why is this happening to me. I'm always praying for God to use me to help others. I'm tired of helping. Why me! Thank you Pastor Lucas for a great sermon on this.
https://subsplash.com/expectation/media/mi/+nk5st64#message#doubt
Check it out here.
Heres a little check up on me. Its been awhile since I have been on here. I have more to share this week. Need to play catch up. I'm doing chemo for 6 months. When I first heard this I wanted to cry. It's not as bad as it sounds. Looking for a highlight... I'm on a week and off three weeks. So really its 6 weeks of chemo spread out. I go to the oncologist all the time but I love my doctors. I will also be having more MRIs. I also don't mind those. I either pray for my cancer people I meet or take a nap.
I'm tired all the time. I need quiet time and a nap everyday. I'm also super nauseous. It hits out of no wear. Have to get the protein in me. Nuts nuts and more nuts. Protein bars. I would love someone to eat for me. I have do too much I'm in bed hard. Praise God I don't have a job.
Pity parties. I hate them. I'm learning you don't have to be happy all the time. Working on self control. I loose it fast with my family. Words hurt me.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you for all my little happies. My hats, jewelry, healthy things, your words, lunch and food. I know I am loved. I don't wish this on anyone.
This morning I was so encouraged by one of the biggest overcomes I know, Christine Mills. AMAZING!
Heres a preview for Fridays. I want to make them God moment Friday. This is where you share the God moment you had this week. It could be a simple moment where someone gave you something like jeans from the cashier at the grocery store. They didn't fit but it was the act of kindness. I look for moments where I can talk about Jesus. It's crazy how God gives them to me. Look for your moment to share on Friday. I expect comments. Share my blog to others.
I will be sharing about caregivers later...
Smooches!
This moved me this morning!
https://subsplash.com/expectation/media/mi/+nk5st64#message#doubt
Check it out here.
Heres a little check up on me. Its been awhile since I have been on here. I have more to share this week. Need to play catch up. I'm doing chemo for 6 months. When I first heard this I wanted to cry. It's not as bad as it sounds. Looking for a highlight... I'm on a week and off three weeks. So really its 6 weeks of chemo spread out. I go to the oncologist all the time but I love my doctors. I will also be having more MRIs. I also don't mind those. I either pray for my cancer people I meet or take a nap.
I'm tired all the time. I need quiet time and a nap everyday. I'm also super nauseous. It hits out of no wear. Have to get the protein in me. Nuts nuts and more nuts. Protein bars. I would love someone to eat for me. I have do too much I'm in bed hard. Praise God I don't have a job.
Pity parties. I hate them. I'm learning you don't have to be happy all the time. Working on self control. I loose it fast with my family. Words hurt me.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you for all my little happies. My hats, jewelry, healthy things, your words, lunch and food. I know I am loved. I don't wish this on anyone.
This morning I was so encouraged by one of the biggest overcomes I know, Christine Mills. AMAZING!
Heres a preview for Fridays. I want to make them God moment Friday. This is where you share the God moment you had this week. It could be a simple moment where someone gave you something like jeans from the cashier at the grocery store. They didn't fit but it was the act of kindness. I look for moments where I can talk about Jesus. It's crazy how God gives them to me. Look for your moment to share on Friday. I expect comments. Share my blog to others.
I will be sharing about caregivers later...
Smooches!
This moved me this morning!
The Race for Hope
If you live locally I would love to invite you to Sunny with a chance of group to walk with us and celebrate life afterwards. We have been doing this for years and it is so much fun. It is always the first Sunday of May. This year it is May 5th, Cinco de Mayo! The registration money goes towards brain cancer research to find a cure. You can also make a donation if you can't do the race. We walk the race. Theres also a kids race at the very end if you can get there fast enough. We never can. I try and want to take it all in. Now my life is a little slower. We will plan a place to meet to pass out shirts and numbers and a place to meet at the end. All are welcome to join us!
http://www.braintumorcommunity.org
To join in on the fun got to this site and to join a team. My team is Sunny with a Chance of.
#Raceforhope #braincancer #cancer #joinmyteam #notcomputersmart
http://www.braintumorcommunity.org
To join in on the fun got to this site and to join a team. My team is Sunny with a Chance of.
#Raceforhope #braincancer #cancer #joinmyteam #notcomputersmart
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
One Upping!
Good Morning!
I had planned a different post but this morning I had this happen to me and thought it is so true not just for cancer but for all.
My daughter's throat hurts. No fever. She kept whining about it and truly wouldn't stop. I asked if she wanted to stay home and nothing. I knew it would be worse staying at home. I kept saying 'I understand'. Then I started to say YOU don't really understand what I go through. But I had a pausable moment. I stopped and thought she's 9. Her day sucks. Make her feel better. You're 43 and your started out fine beside your daughter complaining.
My rule when people say 'well i'm not going through what you are' or 'my cancer isn't as bad as yours'. I reply with we don't compare journeys. They all affect us differently. An ingrown toenail can be worse than my brain cancer.
#brain #cancer #comparing
I will come back with my other post later. Its short and sweet but about Race for Hope!
I had planned a different post but this morning I had this happen to me and thought it is so true not just for cancer but for all.
My daughter's throat hurts. No fever. She kept whining about it and truly wouldn't stop. I asked if she wanted to stay home and nothing. I knew it would be worse staying at home. I kept saying 'I understand'. Then I started to say YOU don't really understand what I go through. But I had a pausable moment. I stopped and thought she's 9. Her day sucks. Make her feel better. You're 43 and your started out fine beside your daughter complaining.
My rule when people say 'well i'm not going through what you are' or 'my cancer isn't as bad as yours'. I reply with we don't compare journeys. They all affect us differently. An ingrown toenail can be worse than my brain cancer.
#brain #cancer #comparing
I will come back with my other post later. Its short and sweet but about Race for Hope!
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Morning Encouragement
I heard this song yesterday morning through heavy tears. I lost my sticky note with the name on it. YAY I found it on my night stand this morning! What another blessing. Anyone want to go see Bethel with me in October? I know that's a long time but I am believing in my brain healing!
https://youtu.be/oFizRY8w0-I
Mornings... This morning my kids did all things so kindly. They shared shower time. No fighting or arguing. I almost had an argue moment with the little man but talked about how I'm praying for self control. I'm not perfect. I had my fun music on and dancing in the kitchen. I made my daughter join me. She stunk. HA! she did it from the couch. You have to get up and make a fool of yourself. Hi Neighbors! Then we went and took and froze at the bus stop. PLUS I got to chat with a neighbor I haven't seen in a while. Also crammed my protein in! NUTS! Now going to get Lucky Charms and morning pills. If you want to feel tired all day come my way. No uppers just lots of downers. A couple keep me alive. The rest keep me up but Jesus provides the smiling. No tears yet this morning!
Sorry for the random thoughts this morning. I could get into potty talk but I feel like we need to move into this slowly before I let it all go. I'm a hot mess! Here's a peak... I carry an extra pair of undies for that great oopsy moment you have at church! YEP that's me and not even on chemo just because why not make life extra fun!
Smooches friends. Leave a comment and let me know you are there.
#cancer #braincancer #morningfun #Bethelmusic
https://youtu.be/oFizRY8w0-I
Mornings... This morning my kids did all things so kindly. They shared shower time. No fighting or arguing. I almost had an argue moment with the little man but talked about how I'm praying for self control. I'm not perfect. I had my fun music on and dancing in the kitchen. I made my daughter join me. She stunk. HA! she did it from the couch. You have to get up and make a fool of yourself. Hi Neighbors! Then we went and took and froze at the bus stop. PLUS I got to chat with a neighbor I haven't seen in a while. Also crammed my protein in! NUTS! Now going to get Lucky Charms and morning pills. If you want to feel tired all day come my way. No uppers just lots of downers. A couple keep me alive. The rest keep me up but Jesus provides the smiling. No tears yet this morning!
Sorry for the random thoughts this morning. I could get into potty talk but I feel like we need to move into this slowly before I let it all go. I'm a hot mess! Here's a peak... I carry an extra pair of undies for that great oopsy moment you have at church! YEP that's me and not even on chemo just because why not make life extra fun!
Smooches friends. Leave a comment and let me know you are there.
#cancer #braincancer #morningfun #Bethelmusic
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