From my brain its a little fuzzy.
Wait let me back up just a touch. I have been blogging for a very long time. First it began as the cool thing to do without a real purpose. Then it transformed into an infertility blog that had many followers. At the end of the life of that blog life got super complicated. It took the fun out of my writing. I tried a blog about my twins just to have out for fun but time went by and I forgot which email and password I used. It just never started up again. In the middle of all of my crazy mess I had a secret blog where I let out a lot of ugly stuff. No one found it and it needs to stay that way. It was ugly. So now back to the show...
It all began with lots of pressure in my head. I was tired of hearing my pulse in my ear. I felt crazier than normal. I just knew it was a sinus infection with a lot of anxiety of being a mom, a wife and still dealing with the dark ugly. The doctor just stared at me and said to go to the eye doctor. Yep I forgot to add I was seeing spots when I was sitting. Spots like when you stand up to quickly but mine were from just a resting place.
The eye doctor... I waited all day for a big cure to happen plus a copay. I dismissed this as stupid. Fast forward to 3 months later. Things weren't getting better but only worse. Now the spots were huge and scary. I had migraines and puking. I just dealt with it. I thought stress. The pressure in my life was crazy but only truly from myself caused by the very dark placed. Then it hit the wall. My migraines lasted so long and with unbearable pain. One of these bad days my children had to find food go eat because I couldn't get out of the bed. They weren't even 3 yet. The puking become separate from the headaches. My husband thought I was drinking too much. Nope it was just crazy pukes.
Finally it really hit the wall. I went to take the dog out and my neighbor waved at me. I waved back but couldn't see a face. It was all black. Fear finally hit in. Maybe I'm going blind. I had to make that eye doctor appointment. In my style I looked up someone random online who took appointments that way as well. I hate the phone.
I went to this sweet lady and she ran all kinds of tests. In the end she said I had something with a long name. The short of it was my optical nerve was swollen. I needed to go to a neurologist and quickly. Of course my husband and I go to the best place ever...the internet. He found MS, I found a brain tumor. There was really nothing in between. On further searching I was sure I had a tumor. In my style again I just rested with it and the idea of if.
Finally I met the creaky neurologist. He called for a MRI and no coffee through the weekend. Now that was a problem. In order to deal with my migraines I had to take 4 gel cap Advil with 2 cups of coffee. I would return to semi normal. Without the coffee I was sick, very sick. So I did as he said. Saturday was a hot mess. My husband begged for me to go to the hospital. I didn't want to bother anyone. By Sunday morning my husband took the matters into his own hands and I had to agree. Off we went to drop the twins off and me to find out the problem that I was pretty sure I already knew the answer for.
Drugs were given. The pressure was gone. A CAT scan was done and the ER doctor came in with the look and I knew I was right. She said a tumor was found in the front part of my brain. I smiled and okay. My husband wept and started making the needed phone calls.
Next a fun ride in an ambulance with the lights and all the fun. Mark one thing off my bucket list. Yep I'm that kind of crazy. And planning began for surgery. The rest of that day were a blur. An MRI was done in the middle of the night to confirm things. I met many amazing doctors. I laughed as people visited. Of course the laughter and jokes were unnerving for many. How could she be acting this light hearted when the next morning my brain would be played with. The family arrived. After that I truly don't remember much. I was told many things. I've seen many pictures. All I really do remember is I wanted to give my twins their birthday I had been planning for months.
I had no idea the journey of the q-tip was just beginning.
