I was on a blogging run for a bit. Now I am just too tired to have anything inspiring or great to write. I had the best nights sleep at the beginning of the week. I woke up so rested. That NEVER happens. Last night my sleep was its normal awful self. I was up at 3:33 off and on until 5. I went through my mental prayer list and then some. I was holding my daughter for a bit and we both started to fall asleep. My meds are so crazy that I should really sleep well. NOPE! Any advice? My husband says too much coffee. I say no because my last cup is at 2pm.
So sorry for the quiet. Its not like I have lots of readers but the little bit I do have I would like to keep. If you just read this long boring post shoot me a comment please.
Smooches to an extra long weekend over here!
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Sunday, August 18, 2019
Disability
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
Funeral
Because I didn't get the greatest results from my MRI I began to think about death a lot and plan my funeral. Yep I went there.
Here you go...
My former pastor will do the celebration of life.
*There will be Prosecco for a toast made by my husband.
*I want a praise and worship time and the plan of salvation preached.
THEN I want an open mike. If you want to tell a story or talk kindly about me you can. OR the teacher in me wants paper so you can write a note down to be taped onto the wall.
*I want everyone to get a little glitter to take home and remember or to put on my casket.
*I want to be cremated.
*BALLOONS!!! On the balloon you can put a wish or note on it so when you let it go it makes its way to me. We know it doesn't work that way but its fun to think about it.
*Oh I just had a thought, there should be a time where you can turn to your nearest neighbor and introduce yourself and how you knew me.
I started to tell my husband all of this and he said to stop. Then I went to my doctors appointment. She said my 3 D's were all NOs... No drinking, No driving, No dying. Yep I made those up. Now my husband told me to plan my celebration party for when chemo is finished. I'm thinking it will have a touch of all of these things. Get ready. I will put an invite up here. Not like anyone is reading. I don't want the world to know about this space. Same with Twitter which I just started back up. I need somewhere to brain dump and it can't be facebook. Too many people who don't get to be part of this information. It would freak them out. Like my mouther in law.
2 posts in a day. Same with Twitter. Its a great day minus the bad sleep. My stupid dog who ate a half a package of ramen.
Leave a comment on your thoughts. If you think I'm crazy keep it too yourself. I already know it.
SMOOCHES!!!
Here you go...
My former pastor will do the celebration of life.
*There will be Prosecco for a toast made by my husband.
*I want a praise and worship time and the plan of salvation preached.
THEN I want an open mike. If you want to tell a story or talk kindly about me you can. OR the teacher in me wants paper so you can write a note down to be taped onto the wall.
*I want everyone to get a little glitter to take home and remember or to put on my casket.
*I want to be cremated.
*BALLOONS!!! On the balloon you can put a wish or note on it so when you let it go it makes its way to me. We know it doesn't work that way but its fun to think about it.
*Oh I just had a thought, there should be a time where you can turn to your nearest neighbor and introduce yourself and how you knew me.
I started to tell my husband all of this and he said to stop. Then I went to my doctors appointment. She said my 3 D's were all NOs... No drinking, No driving, No dying. Yep I made those up. Now my husband told me to plan my celebration party for when chemo is finished. I'm thinking it will have a touch of all of these things. Get ready. I will put an invite up here. Not like anyone is reading. I don't want the world to know about this space. Same with Twitter which I just started back up. I need somewhere to brain dump and it can't be facebook. Too many people who don't get to be part of this information. It would freak them out. Like my mouther in law.
2 posts in a day. Same with Twitter. Its a great day minus the bad sleep. My stupid dog who ate a half a package of ramen.
Leave a comment on your thoughts. If you think I'm crazy keep it too yourself. I already know it.
SMOOCHES!!!
My Cancer Journey Wishes
I can't think of a title maybe it will come to me soon. I was tweeting and of course went past number of words... I deleted half of my message. I realized I got rid of most of it. It really should have been a blog.
Today is brought to you by Ensure and 3 granola bars. Oh wait I did eat an apple. On chemo this week and it took my food desire. If only I could replace it with drinks. That desire hasn't left and never does. Wine sounds amazing. Rum and Coke is always good if made right. I could even throw back some tequila. Oh well. Instead I eat yuck stuff. I'm too lazy to make food. My smeller HATES all smells. I would rather not run for an anti nausea pill or Xanax. Water is my best friend. I could do some Paul Newman lemonade. Oh wait its time for coffee number 4/5. I can't keep up. Its terrible and doesn't even smell good anymore. Its like the granola bars. It all tastes and smells like an onion butt. I've tasted butt but this is what I imagine it to taste like. If you are a local reader you will know of Sweetwater. Thats the only food I want. The filet tips. SO SO SO good.
I'm ready for this to be finished. I have one more night of chemo. Its night bad but I have to eat super early so I'm not up super late. Then the countdown begins. I eat then count until ani nausea pill then count until chemo then more counting. Next are my nighttime pills and a late night snack. AND on a super awesome note, if after my next MRI things have stayed the same or improved I will just have one more set of chemo. I have been on it too long. My body needs a break. My white blood count is starting to be effected.
Thanks for listening to my whining. SMOOCHES!
Things I miss... Patience, my smeller, wine, Energy, being able to drive, no more worry for all.
Today is brought to you by Ensure and 3 granola bars. Oh wait I did eat an apple. On chemo this week and it took my food desire. If only I could replace it with drinks. That desire hasn't left and never does. Wine sounds amazing. Rum and Coke is always good if made right. I could even throw back some tequila. Oh well. Instead I eat yuck stuff. I'm too lazy to make food. My smeller HATES all smells. I would rather not run for an anti nausea pill or Xanax. Water is my best friend. I could do some Paul Newman lemonade. Oh wait its time for coffee number 4/5. I can't keep up. Its terrible and doesn't even smell good anymore. Its like the granola bars. It all tastes and smells like an onion butt. I've tasted butt but this is what I imagine it to taste like. If you are a local reader you will know of Sweetwater. Thats the only food I want. The filet tips. SO SO SO good.
I'm ready for this to be finished. I have one more night of chemo. Its night bad but I have to eat super early so I'm not up super late. Then the countdown begins. I eat then count until ani nausea pill then count until chemo then more counting. Next are my nighttime pills and a late night snack. AND on a super awesome note, if after my next MRI things have stayed the same or improved I will just have one more set of chemo. I have been on it too long. My body needs a break. My white blood count is starting to be effected.
Thanks for listening to my whining. SMOOCHES!
Things I miss... Patience, my smeller, wine, Energy, being able to drive, no more worry for all.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Blue Days
I'm in a funk. I don't do or look good in the color blue well. I'm always sunny and I know is normal to not always be. I am blessed to be taken care of by so many. No driving. I have to ask for rides. People always jump to help but I want to be in charge. Just driving a mile would be lovely. If I need something from the store I would like to go. NOPE! I would like to open a bottle of wine. Yes I drink here and there but with permission. My beach trip is coming up and it won't be normal. My sweet niece came and lived with us for a good month. She cleaned, did laundry and cooked. She was also my driver. I miss her but hated the need for her part. I think the laws will be coming and doing the same at the end of summer. NOPE!!! Its nice but I need my space.
I hate complaining. I also don't do that well. Yesterday I saw my oncologist. I love our time together. I've had a feeling something would come up in my MRI. I've had my little weird seizures. Other things have happened to make me think something was up. YEP she saw a very small spot. The bottom of a pen size. We are going with chemo this week and then checking again next month. She thinks its radiation scar tissue. If it grows then its a new growth and we start a liquid chemo. She said no surgery but...
I'm faking okay. I am believing in healing. Trusting God like never before. I don't want this now or ever. I miss the old times. Where life was easier. I hate how my daughter knows I don't feel good because I take a mint and drink water.
I need a yellow day. They come in little rays but I want so much sun that I have to wear sunglasses. The anxiety that happens to me is death. The worried look on my husband's face breaks my heart. You could cut the tension in my house with a butter knife.
Jesus HELP!!!
No pity friends just prayers.
I hate complaining. I also don't do that well. Yesterday I saw my oncologist. I love our time together. I've had a feeling something would come up in my MRI. I've had my little weird seizures. Other things have happened to make me think something was up. YEP she saw a very small spot. The bottom of a pen size. We are going with chemo this week and then checking again next month. She thinks its radiation scar tissue. If it grows then its a new growth and we start a liquid chemo. She said no surgery but...
I'm faking okay. I am believing in healing. Trusting God like never before. I don't want this now or ever. I miss the old times. Where life was easier. I hate how my daughter knows I don't feel good because I take a mint and drink water.
I need a yellow day. They come in little rays but I want so much sun that I have to wear sunglasses. The anxiety that happens to me is death. The worried look on my husband's face breaks my heart. You could cut the tension in my house with a butter knife.
Jesus HELP!!!
No pity friends just prayers.
Friday, April 12, 2019
Evil Cancer
I had not planned to post about this today. I like to plan my posts in my head. I have one sitting there that hasn't come out yet. I also have one just for Friday. It will be next. This one is festering. My blog is like my journal. I need to share.
This morning was epic. I have been working on my self control and how I react to my kids. Its been a wonderful week and I've been on chemo. My kids were doing their normal morning routine of things. My daughter decided to practice her piano. She won't be home this afternoon so she's trying to get ahead of things. She is so thoughtful that way. But before practicing she was working on her math work on the piano bench. Guess who decided he wanted to practice? Her brother... It went south from there. He got mad at her. She got mad at him. I had to intervene which I'm trying not to do these days. It got bigger. Grace screamed all kinds of hateful things to him. It needed to come out and I was proud of her secretly. His response was uglier and he had to go to his room before I lost it. Lots of tears took place. They were hanging there in my eyes. We are tired.
I held Grace and told her she is secretly worried about me. She denied it but I said it is normal. This is where evil cancer comes in. It touches every part of my life. My kids quietly worry about me. I try really hard to keep it together but its there. The pills are there. The little bit of hair gone to remind us. All the loving people coming around. They know I'm sick. I wish I could put them in a bubble.
My husband is touched the most besides me. He worries openly. He wears it like a second skin. No more silly husband. He's a silly dad but the husband part is gone. He doesn't have anyone to share with but me. He won't because again it's the worry. Worry about my pills, the kids, money, my safety. I try not to think its my fault causing all this anxiety in everyone but I do.
I HATE CANCER.
It has touched me! I don't have my get up and go. I don't do much. Driving got taken away. I'm learning to ask and rely on others. SUPER HARD! My husband has even stepped up to cook because the smells make me sick. My friendships have been touched. I have those who over love. Those who are lost in what to do. Those who are afraid because they've been touched before.
I miss normal life. I miss going out with my friends or sitting on the deck with a drink. Thats gone too. Its been replaced with Xanax. NOT THE SAME!
Cancer is sneaky like a ninja. You think all is fine until it explodes like my kids this morning. I'm waiting on my simple quiet life to return. #cancer #braincancer #evil
Thank you for listening to me. I had to get it all out.
This morning was epic. I have been working on my self control and how I react to my kids. Its been a wonderful week and I've been on chemo. My kids were doing their normal morning routine of things. My daughter decided to practice her piano. She won't be home this afternoon so she's trying to get ahead of things. She is so thoughtful that way. But before practicing she was working on her math work on the piano bench. Guess who decided he wanted to practice? Her brother... It went south from there. He got mad at her. She got mad at him. I had to intervene which I'm trying not to do these days. It got bigger. Grace screamed all kinds of hateful things to him. It needed to come out and I was proud of her secretly. His response was uglier and he had to go to his room before I lost it. Lots of tears took place. They were hanging there in my eyes. We are tired.
I held Grace and told her she is secretly worried about me. She denied it but I said it is normal. This is where evil cancer comes in. It touches every part of my life. My kids quietly worry about me. I try really hard to keep it together but its there. The pills are there. The little bit of hair gone to remind us. All the loving people coming around. They know I'm sick. I wish I could put them in a bubble.
My husband is touched the most besides me. He worries openly. He wears it like a second skin. No more silly husband. He's a silly dad but the husband part is gone. He doesn't have anyone to share with but me. He won't because again it's the worry. Worry about my pills, the kids, money, my safety. I try not to think its my fault causing all this anxiety in everyone but I do.
I HATE CANCER.
It has touched me! I don't have my get up and go. I don't do much. Driving got taken away. I'm learning to ask and rely on others. SUPER HARD! My husband has even stepped up to cook because the smells make me sick. My friendships have been touched. I have those who over love. Those who are lost in what to do. Those who are afraid because they've been touched before.
I miss normal life. I miss going out with my friends or sitting on the deck with a drink. Thats gone too. Its been replaced with Xanax. NOT THE SAME!
Cancer is sneaky like a ninja. You think all is fine until it explodes like my kids this morning. I'm waiting on my simple quiet life to return. #cancer #braincancer #evil
Thank you for listening to me. I had to get it all out.
Thursday, April 11, 2019
A bunch of crazy rambling thoughts...
So I'm having just crazy thoughts today. I started my second round of maintenance chemo yesterday. I am blessed and take my chemo in pill form. My sweet oncologist thought she should increase my dose. I was fine when she told me. I haven't ever had a big problem with it before. Things have changed I force food. I'm drinking lots of water.
Last nights dinner was blah. The smells. The slimy noodles. The spices. Thanks Hello Fresh. All that matters is how the family felt about the food. They liked it. They will be eating it again tonight. I will not. I have a friend dropping dinner off. It will be my dinner and tomorrow nights food.
Last night I felt awful. Its such a timed process. I was hungry but couldn't eat. I took anti nausea pill but nope I could have hurled.
My other crazy thought... When I was younger and I wanted to cry I would watch my cry movie. Mine was Dying Young. I LOVED it. I should watch it soon. I never really knew what kind of cancer but I just looked, blood cancer. Anyone else have a sad movie?
Then I ended my morning getting my son out the door talking about his body. He is learning about it in school tomorrow. He read a chapter in a book last night. He HAD to read it last night. I asked if they talked about ejaculations and nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). He said yes to all of above with a giggle. He told me he has had a wet dream. NOPE it was a sweaty night. LOL
So if one of us dies today this was our last conversation.
I will be back later with my God moment Friday. I still have a post I'm thinking about for Caregivers. Right now I'm falling asleep while typing. I'm nuts. :)
#cancer
#braincancer
#crazythoughts
Last nights dinner was blah. The smells. The slimy noodles. The spices. Thanks Hello Fresh. All that matters is how the family felt about the food. They liked it. They will be eating it again tonight. I will not. I have a friend dropping dinner off. It will be my dinner and tomorrow nights food.
Last night I felt awful. Its such a timed process. I was hungry but couldn't eat. I took anti nausea pill but nope I could have hurled.
My other crazy thought... When I was younger and I wanted to cry I would watch my cry movie. Mine was Dying Young. I LOVED it. I should watch it soon. I never really knew what kind of cancer but I just looked, blood cancer. Anyone else have a sad movie?
Then I ended my morning getting my son out the door talking about his body. He is learning about it in school tomorrow. He read a chapter in a book last night. He HAD to read it last night. I asked if they talked about ejaculations and nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). He said yes to all of above with a giggle. He told me he has had a wet dream. NOPE it was a sweaty night. LOL
So if one of us dies today this was our last conversation.
I will be back later with my God moment Friday. I still have a post I'm thinking about for Caregivers. Right now I'm falling asleep while typing. I'm nuts. :)
#cancer
#braincancer
#crazythoughts
Monday, April 8, 2019
Cancer and being a Mama
I haven't been able to blog. My head hasn't been clear. I find myself napping or desiring to nap. I'm weird with writing. It has to be the right time and space. I believe this morning is it. I'm blogging on something totally different than planned. I might get to the others later today.
Being a mom is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It was my dream, I swear, since I was born if that's possible. When my husband, Grumps and I couldn't just easily have children my heart broke. We tried like crazy. Finally our last IVF treatment with 4 embryos took. Not 4 babies but 2 amazing ones, girl and a boy. This entire process was super hard on us and our marriage.
Now being a mom, sometimes I feel like a failure. I don't remember. I don't want to. I get angry. With cancer it is even worse. I super care about my kids but meeting their needs is even harder. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who understands and friends who step in and help.
As a cancer mom... You deal with guilt, frustrations, tears, tiredness, memory, questioning what I do to make sure I remember and do them right. Thank God for phone calendars. Its my brain. I should give it a name. If I lost it my world would crash.
This post isn't making sense... stupid cancer. It sounded so good in my head this morning as I was trying to help my kids after they said they had a test this morning. I wanted to cry. Any other moms dealing with all of this? I keep saying I want a vacation alone or with a couple of friends. No responsibilities. My husband keeps sending people here to help which is nice but I feel the need to entertain. I can't help myself.
Up next... being a caregiver for a cancer patient, and God moments. Please comment so I know you are there.
Smooches friends!!!
#braincancer #cancer #momguilt
Being a mom is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It was my dream, I swear, since I was born if that's possible. When my husband, Grumps and I couldn't just easily have children my heart broke. We tried like crazy. Finally our last IVF treatment with 4 embryos took. Not 4 babies but 2 amazing ones, girl and a boy. This entire process was super hard on us and our marriage.
Now being a mom, sometimes I feel like a failure. I don't remember. I don't want to. I get angry. With cancer it is even worse. I super care about my kids but meeting their needs is even harder. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who understands and friends who step in and help.
As a cancer mom... You deal with guilt, frustrations, tears, tiredness, memory, questioning what I do to make sure I remember and do them right. Thank God for phone calendars. Its my brain. I should give it a name. If I lost it my world would crash.
This post isn't making sense... stupid cancer. It sounded so good in my head this morning as I was trying to help my kids after they said they had a test this morning. I wanted to cry. Any other moms dealing with all of this? I keep saying I want a vacation alone or with a couple of friends. No responsibilities. My husband keeps sending people here to help which is nice but I feel the need to entertain. I can't help myself.
Up next... being a caregiver for a cancer patient, and God moments. Please comment so I know you are there.
Smooches friends!!!
#braincancer #cancer #momguilt
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Jeremy Camp - Same Power (Lyric Video)
Thank you Christine Mills for this encouragement! I needed the affirmation! Love you precious!
Why?
I usually don't ask God why is this happening to me. I'm always praying for God to use me to help others. I'm tired of helping. Why me! Thank you Pastor Lucas for a great sermon on this.
https://subsplash.com/expectation/media/mi/+nk5st64#message#doubt
Check it out here.
Heres a little check up on me. Its been awhile since I have been on here. I have more to share this week. Need to play catch up. I'm doing chemo for 6 months. When I first heard this I wanted to cry. It's not as bad as it sounds. Looking for a highlight... I'm on a week and off three weeks. So really its 6 weeks of chemo spread out. I go to the oncologist all the time but I love my doctors. I will also be having more MRIs. I also don't mind those. I either pray for my cancer people I meet or take a nap.
I'm tired all the time. I need quiet time and a nap everyday. I'm also super nauseous. It hits out of no wear. Have to get the protein in me. Nuts nuts and more nuts. Protein bars. I would love someone to eat for me. I have do too much I'm in bed hard. Praise God I don't have a job.
Pity parties. I hate them. I'm learning you don't have to be happy all the time. Working on self control. I loose it fast with my family. Words hurt me.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you for all my little happies. My hats, jewelry, healthy things, your words, lunch and food. I know I am loved. I don't wish this on anyone.
This morning I was so encouraged by one of the biggest overcomes I know, Christine Mills. AMAZING!
Heres a preview for Fridays. I want to make them God moment Friday. This is where you share the God moment you had this week. It could be a simple moment where someone gave you something like jeans from the cashier at the grocery store. They didn't fit but it was the act of kindness. I look for moments where I can talk about Jesus. It's crazy how God gives them to me. Look for your moment to share on Friday. I expect comments. Share my blog to others.
I will be sharing about caregivers later...
Smooches!
This moved me this morning!
https://subsplash.com/expectation/media/mi/+nk5st64#message#doubt
Check it out here.
Heres a little check up on me. Its been awhile since I have been on here. I have more to share this week. Need to play catch up. I'm doing chemo for 6 months. When I first heard this I wanted to cry. It's not as bad as it sounds. Looking for a highlight... I'm on a week and off three weeks. So really its 6 weeks of chemo spread out. I go to the oncologist all the time but I love my doctors. I will also be having more MRIs. I also don't mind those. I either pray for my cancer people I meet or take a nap.
I'm tired all the time. I need quiet time and a nap everyday. I'm also super nauseous. It hits out of no wear. Have to get the protein in me. Nuts nuts and more nuts. Protein bars. I would love someone to eat for me. I have do too much I'm in bed hard. Praise God I don't have a job.
Pity parties. I hate them. I'm learning you don't have to be happy all the time. Working on self control. I loose it fast with my family. Words hurt me.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you for all my little happies. My hats, jewelry, healthy things, your words, lunch and food. I know I am loved. I don't wish this on anyone.
This morning I was so encouraged by one of the biggest overcomes I know, Christine Mills. AMAZING!
Heres a preview for Fridays. I want to make them God moment Friday. This is where you share the God moment you had this week. It could be a simple moment where someone gave you something like jeans from the cashier at the grocery store. They didn't fit but it was the act of kindness. I look for moments where I can talk about Jesus. It's crazy how God gives them to me. Look for your moment to share on Friday. I expect comments. Share my blog to others.
I will be sharing about caregivers later...
Smooches!
This moved me this morning!
The Race for Hope
If you live locally I would love to invite you to Sunny with a chance of group to walk with us and celebrate life afterwards. We have been doing this for years and it is so much fun. It is always the first Sunday of May. This year it is May 5th, Cinco de Mayo! The registration money goes towards brain cancer research to find a cure. You can also make a donation if you can't do the race. We walk the race. Theres also a kids race at the very end if you can get there fast enough. We never can. I try and want to take it all in. Now my life is a little slower. We will plan a place to meet to pass out shirts and numbers and a place to meet at the end. All are welcome to join us!
http://www.braintumorcommunity.org
To join in on the fun got to this site and to join a team. My team is Sunny with a Chance of.
#Raceforhope #braincancer #cancer #joinmyteam #notcomputersmart
http://www.braintumorcommunity.org
To join in on the fun got to this site and to join a team. My team is Sunny with a Chance of.
#Raceforhope #braincancer #cancer #joinmyteam #notcomputersmart
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
One Upping!
Good Morning!
I had planned a different post but this morning I had this happen to me and thought it is so true not just for cancer but for all.
My daughter's throat hurts. No fever. She kept whining about it and truly wouldn't stop. I asked if she wanted to stay home and nothing. I knew it would be worse staying at home. I kept saying 'I understand'. Then I started to say YOU don't really understand what I go through. But I had a pausable moment. I stopped and thought she's 9. Her day sucks. Make her feel better. You're 43 and your started out fine beside your daughter complaining.
My rule when people say 'well i'm not going through what you are' or 'my cancer isn't as bad as yours'. I reply with we don't compare journeys. They all affect us differently. An ingrown toenail can be worse than my brain cancer.
#brain #cancer #comparing
I will come back with my other post later. Its short and sweet but about Race for Hope!
I had planned a different post but this morning I had this happen to me and thought it is so true not just for cancer but for all.
My daughter's throat hurts. No fever. She kept whining about it and truly wouldn't stop. I asked if she wanted to stay home and nothing. I knew it would be worse staying at home. I kept saying 'I understand'. Then I started to say YOU don't really understand what I go through. But I had a pausable moment. I stopped and thought she's 9. Her day sucks. Make her feel better. You're 43 and your started out fine beside your daughter complaining.
My rule when people say 'well i'm not going through what you are' or 'my cancer isn't as bad as yours'. I reply with we don't compare journeys. They all affect us differently. An ingrown toenail can be worse than my brain cancer.
#brain #cancer #comparing
I will come back with my other post later. Its short and sweet but about Race for Hope!
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Morning Encouragement
I heard this song yesterday morning through heavy tears. I lost my sticky note with the name on it. YAY I found it on my night stand this morning! What another blessing. Anyone want to go see Bethel with me in October? I know that's a long time but I am believing in my brain healing!
https://youtu.be/oFizRY8w0-I
Mornings... This morning my kids did all things so kindly. They shared shower time. No fighting or arguing. I almost had an argue moment with the little man but talked about how I'm praying for self control. I'm not perfect. I had my fun music on and dancing in the kitchen. I made my daughter join me. She stunk. HA! she did it from the couch. You have to get up and make a fool of yourself. Hi Neighbors! Then we went and took and froze at the bus stop. PLUS I got to chat with a neighbor I haven't seen in a while. Also crammed my protein in! NUTS! Now going to get Lucky Charms and morning pills. If you want to feel tired all day come my way. No uppers just lots of downers. A couple keep me alive. The rest keep me up but Jesus provides the smiling. No tears yet this morning!
Sorry for the random thoughts this morning. I could get into potty talk but I feel like we need to move into this slowly before I let it all go. I'm a hot mess! Here's a peak... I carry an extra pair of undies for that great oopsy moment you have at church! YEP that's me and not even on chemo just because why not make life extra fun!
Smooches friends. Leave a comment and let me know you are there.
#cancer #braincancer #morningfun #Bethelmusic
https://youtu.be/oFizRY8w0-I
Mornings... This morning my kids did all things so kindly. They shared shower time. No fighting or arguing. I almost had an argue moment with the little man but talked about how I'm praying for self control. I'm not perfect. I had my fun music on and dancing in the kitchen. I made my daughter join me. She stunk. HA! she did it from the couch. You have to get up and make a fool of yourself. Hi Neighbors! Then we went and took and froze at the bus stop. PLUS I got to chat with a neighbor I haven't seen in a while. Also crammed my protein in! NUTS! Now going to get Lucky Charms and morning pills. If you want to feel tired all day come my way. No uppers just lots of downers. A couple keep me alive. The rest keep me up but Jesus provides the smiling. No tears yet this morning!
Sorry for the random thoughts this morning. I could get into potty talk but I feel like we need to move into this slowly before I let it all go. I'm a hot mess! Here's a peak... I carry an extra pair of undies for that great oopsy moment you have at church! YEP that's me and not even on chemo just because why not make life extra fun!
Smooches friends. Leave a comment and let me know you are there.
#cancer #braincancer #morningfun #Bethelmusic
Monday, March 11, 2019
Cancer Blues
I woke up this morning with the chemo/cancer blues. My husband reminded me chemo was tonight and I should start dinner early. I knew this. I've pushed hard to be my name, Sunny. Tried hard to Choose Joy. After hearing my husband say all that, I began to want to cry. I don't cry. I've wanted to cry. I've been praying for God to soften my heart. My mom used to say all the time she couldn't cry because too many bad things happened to her. Then it hit me. Both of may parents died around the time I got brain cancer. Right after my best friend, Granny died. No more weekly phone calls. My husband and I had a tough time. So tears left.
Since I have prayed for a soft heart I have been crying. It is nice but usually just not enough. This morning it was lots. Between songs and texts from my husband and a sweet phone call.
My heart is still heavy. I would like to not be on a chemo schedule at home even though its better than transfusion. I enjoyed my last glass of wine before chemo. TEARS!
I began my morning with worship music to lift my heart and cry my face out. The first song was It is Well from Bethel. https://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI
My second song was on a sticky note and lost with my grocery list. When it is found I will share.
#braincancer #cancer #chemo
Since I have prayed for a soft heart I have been crying. It is nice but usually just not enough. This morning it was lots. Between songs and texts from my husband and a sweet phone call.
My heart is still heavy. I would like to not be on a chemo schedule at home even though its better than transfusion. I enjoyed my last glass of wine before chemo. TEARS!
I began my morning with worship music to lift my heart and cry my face out. The first song was It is Well from Bethel. https://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI
My second song was on a sticky note and lost with my grocery list. When it is found I will share.
#braincancer #cancer #chemo
Friday, March 8, 2019
Cancer
I'm not sure you notice when cancer is talked about or money is raised it is for certain cancers. Both of my parent had cancer so I hate them all. How often do you hear about brain cancer?
#braincancer #cancer
Q-Tip
After brain surgery they wrap your crazy head up. It makes for crazy fun pictures. #cancer #braincancer #brainsurgery
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
The C Word
When you hear the word cancer I'm sure you start feeling bad for that person. It's a very scary word full of unknowns. Even when you have it and hear it your heart gets heavy and sad.
Everyone has been touched by cancer in someway. Both of my parents had cancer before me. My mom had breast cancer and kept it a secret for 7 years. We were told she had 2 weeks to live. God blessed us with many more years. She got to meet my twins. My dad got cancer during that time. He had colon cancer that moved to his liver. Before either died I got brain cancer.
Please post in the comments someone you have been touch by cancer and a little of their story. I would love to pray for them.
On a happy note I went to the oncologist today. My numbers are up. My sinus infection is looking better. Maintenance chemo for 6 months will begin on Monday.
Start praying for no side effects.
#theCword #braincancer #cancer #chemo
Everyone has been touched by cancer in someway. Both of my parents had cancer before me. My mom had breast cancer and kept it a secret for 7 years. We were told she had 2 weeks to live. God blessed us with many more years. She got to meet my twins. My dad got cancer during that time. He had colon cancer that moved to his liver. Before either died I got brain cancer.
Please post in the comments someone you have been touch by cancer and a little of their story. I would love to pray for them.
On a happy note I went to the oncologist today. My numbers are up. My sinus infection is looking better. Maintenance chemo for 6 months will begin on Monday.
Start praying for no side effects.
#theCword #braincancer #cancer #chemo
Tuesday, March 5, 2019
Playing Catch Up...
I've decided I wanted to start blogging again since my infertility days. I happened upon this blog while looking for a place to blog. I was so confused. What I was reading was my life. I couldn't believe it. Then it was letting me post. My husband came in and read it. He said it totally was my blog. I can't remember so much of life. Last summer is a complete blank and I traveled to two places. NOPE I don't remember. I don't even know I have followers.
Please know if you don't do God then you don't want to do my blog. It will be a big part of this blog.
My catch up... I did a round of chemo in pill form with my second set of brain cancer which was recent. I also did radiation. I've lost my hair on the sides because of it. I'm no longer a Q-tip but a skater girl. During radiation I became Hannibal Lechter. Pictures will follow one day. I'm still blown away how I don't remember this blog.
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