I'm in a funk. I don't do or look good in the color blue well. I'm always sunny and I know is normal to not always be. I am blessed to be taken care of by so many. No driving. I have to ask for rides. People always jump to help but I want to be in charge. Just driving a mile would be lovely. If I need something from the store I would like to go. NOPE! I would like to open a bottle of wine. Yes I drink here and there but with permission. My beach trip is coming up and it won't be normal. My sweet niece came and lived with us for a good month. She cleaned, did laundry and cooked. She was also my driver. I miss her but hated the need for her part. I think the laws will be coming and doing the same at the end of summer. NOPE!!! Its nice but I need my space.
I hate complaining. I also don't do that well. Yesterday I saw my oncologist. I love our time together. I've had a feeling something would come up in my MRI. I've had my little weird seizures. Other things have happened to make me think something was up. YEP she saw a very small spot. The bottom of a pen size. We are going with chemo this week and then checking again next month. She thinks its radiation scar tissue. If it grows then its a new growth and we start a liquid chemo. She said no surgery but...
I'm faking okay. I am believing in healing. Trusting God like never before. I don't want this now or ever. I miss the old times. Where life was easier. I hate how my daughter knows I don't feel good because I take a mint and drink water.
I need a yellow day. They come in little rays but I want so much sun that I have to wear sunglasses. The anxiety that happens to me is death. The worried look on my husband's face breaks my heart. You could cut the tension in my house with a butter knife.
Jesus HELP!!!
No pity friends just prayers.
