Cancer Blues

I woke up this morning with the chemo/cancer blues. My husband reminded me chemo was tonight and I should start dinner early. I knew this. I've pushed hard to be my name, Sunny. Tried hard to Choose Joy. After hearing my husband say all that, I began to want to cry. I don't cry. I've wanted to cry. I've been praying for God to soften my heart. My mom used to say all the time she couldn't cry because too many bad things happened to her. Then it hit me. Both of may parents died around the time I got brain cancer. Right after my best friend, Granny died. No more weekly phone calls. My husband and I had a tough time. So tears left.

Since I have prayed for a soft heart I have been crying. It is nice but usually just not enough. This morning it was lots. Between songs and texts from my husband and a sweet phone call.

My heart is still heavy. I would like to not be on a chemo schedule at home even though its better than transfusion. I enjoyed my last glass of wine before chemo. TEARS!

I began my morning with worship music to lift my heart and cry my face out. The first song was It is Well from Bethel. https://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI

My second song was on a sticky note and lost with my grocery list. When it is found I will share.

#braincancer #cancer #chemo