I haven't been able to blog. My head hasn't been clear. I find myself napping or desiring to nap. I'm weird with writing. It has to be the right time and space. I believe this morning is it. I'm blogging on something totally different than planned. I might get to the others later today.
Being a mom is way harder than I ever thought it would be. It was my dream, I swear, since I was born if that's possible. When my husband, Grumps and I couldn't just easily have children my heart broke. We tried like crazy. Finally our last IVF treatment with 4 embryos took. Not 4 babies but 2 amazing ones, girl and a boy. This entire process was super hard on us and our marriage.
Now being a mom, sometimes I feel like a failure. I don't remember. I don't want to. I get angry. With cancer it is even worse. I super care about my kids but meeting their needs is even harder. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who understands and friends who step in and help.
As a cancer mom... You deal with guilt, frustrations, tears, tiredness, memory, questioning what I do to make sure I remember and do them right. Thank God for phone calendars. Its my brain. I should give it a name. If I lost it my world would crash.
This post isn't making sense... stupid cancer. It sounded so good in my head this morning as I was trying to help my kids after they said they had a test this morning. I wanted to cry. Any other moms dealing with all of this? I keep saying I want a vacation alone or with a couple of friends. No responsibilities. My husband keeps sending people here to help which is nice but I feel the need to entertain. I can't help myself.
Up next... being a caregiver for a cancer patient, and God moments. Please comment so I know you are there.
Smooches friends!!!
#braincancer #cancer #momguilt
"You deal with guilt, frustrations, tears, tiredness, memory, questioning what I do to make sure I remember and do them right." - I remember being a single mom feeling the same things. Being a mom is truly one of the hardest tasks God has blessed us to do. He knew we couldn't do it without Him and having others help is all part of the plan. Don't ever feel guilty about having to have help or messing up sometimes. No mom gets it perfect. We all mess up. I won't even go into the times that I REALLY messed up things.....OH MY!! We just have to put it in His hands, sometimes easier said than done, and pray they turn out the way He wants them to turn out. I am so sorry my sweet Sunny Bunny that you are having to go through this kind of journey......remember that the Joy of the Lord is your Strength!! Praying that you keep your Joy!! love you so much!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you no named friend. You really encouraged me. Smooches!
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